“We are not born with a certain amount of resilience. It is a muscle, and that means we can build it. We build resilience into ourselves. We build resilience into the people we love. And we build it together, as a community. That’s called ‘collective resilience.’ It’s an incredibly powerful force – and it’s one that our country and our world need a lot more of right about now. It is in our relationships with each other that we find our will to live, our capacity to love, and our ability to bring change into the world” — Sheryl Sandberg to Virginia Tech
My anxiety came out to dance this week. For most of my life, my anxiety has been a stabbing pain, eventually subsiding but still leaving a scar. Ever since November, my anxiety has taken a shadow form — following me, looming over me, not necessarily directly interfering with me, but heavy enough for me to feel its presence. It can be hard to explain this anxiety to people and at the same time, a lot of people in my life are feeling it too. What consumed our time before we became oversaturated with news? It’s hard to finish a book, focus on a singular task, manage my time properly. It’s created a safety system for when something hard hits — an action for an emotion, a way to pause everything that’s going wrong. A nap, a walk, a purchase. A reflex to the sheer sense of dread the news cycle brings.
It’s frustrating to discuss this with anyone who isn’t experiencing the same emotion, because it’s hard to explain. It’s hard to explain that I just hurt daily because I’m worried, scared, disgusted, etc etc. That I’m boiling over the top with empathy for everyone who is also hurting. Explaining it turns into justifying it and ultimately I don’t owe any justification for caring — for hoping our country could be better than it is. So sometimes when I’m dancing with my new shadow anxiety, I look around for someone being forced to dance with their own anxiety. Because often, there aren’t any words to cure this kind of anxiety, but it can be soothed with a “Oh, you’re feeling this too.”
Recipes I Tried
My saint of a friend, Erin, gave me a free week of Blue Apron and it was a life saver this week. I made salmon-dill burgers, honey-rhubarb chicken, and spicy mushroom & summer squash tacos.
For my lunches lately, I’ve been making some kind of quinoa bowl. This week I made roasted beet, honey-coconut carrots, and goat cheese quinoa bowls. For the honey-coconut carrots, heat up coconut oil and honey in a small saucepan and drizzle over carrots before roasting them in the oven.
I am now on week two or three of eating breakfast — look at me, a grown adult. I swapped out the greek yogurt for almond coconut milk chia seed pudding with bananas, flax, and peanut butter. It is easy, delicious, and can be eaten standing up while crying over the morning news!
Articles I Read
The Work You Do, The Person You Are, The New Yorker
Wanting Monogamy as 1,946 Await My Swipe, NY Times : This article annoyed me for a few reasons, writer extraordinaire said it best, “It is not dating apps that are ruining monogamy, it is you and everyone else who wants it and pretends not to.”
The Language of Gender Violence, Middlebury Magazine
Muna: I have been listening to this kick-ass female band all week. Their first album, About U, is therapeutic. Listen to the album in it’s entirety, then listen to it again.
Thigh-High Politics: Lauren Duca is an incredible, insightful writer who was launched into the political spotlight with her article “Donald Trump is Gaslighting America”. It’s overwhelming trying to keep up with every piece of commentary on the shit show that is our country. Her op-ed column is easy to digest and always includes actionable items. I absolutely love the work Teen Vogue has been doing recently.
This weekend, I am going to read as much as possible, because I haven’t finished a book in over a month and that makes my heart hurt.